Reimagining the Star Wars prequels

I don't usually write fan fiction. The very phrase carries with it a plethora of connotations - most of them involving weird sex (think very carefully before you click that link).

But after watching Red Letter Media's Plickett reviews of the Star Wars prequels I did jot down some ideas. (If you haven't seen the reviews set aside a couple of hours and click on that link. It is worth it.)

So I had a little crack at rewriting the prequels based around the following problems:

• There is no protagonist in The Phantom Menace. 
• There is no likeable protagonist in any of the films. Obi Wan just does dumb things that he learned from his dumb master. 
• Having C3-PO and R2-D2 around causes more plot headaches than it is worth. 
• Jar Jar Binks exists. 
• There is actually little action and lots of talking about trade federations and blockades and midichroleans. This stuff, coupled with some really dull characters and directing choices, makes the movies boring.

What had me most excited about the prequels were some of the insights we received from Obi Wan in the original film (A New Hope). This was all we had about the time before Luke found the droids. He spoke of nobility when discussing the Jedi and provided two important pieces of information about Anakin Skywalker - he was "the best star pilot in the galaxy" and he was "a good friend." Well the prequels as they exist don't show us any of this. Being able to race pods makes him the best pilot? Strange, especially when Obi Wan isn't even present for the whole sequence. For my remake the story centers on Obi Wan and Anakin's friendship - from meeting to disintegration.

I didn't think too much about it so many of the planets and characters from the available prequels still appear. I've also tried to show that Leia's father (Bail Organa) served with Obi Wan in the Clone Wars since this is the only reason she messages him in the original film anyway. I've kept Darth Maul and Padme (though her character is much more straight forward). What I did axe was some of the characters who appeared far too often (the trade federation, Count Douku) or in roles they were ill suited (Yoda should not wield a lightsaber. Ever.) There's no droids, Jar Jar or Chewbacca. But there are Wookies and some more background on Boba Fett (though not in the episode below). There's no Han Solo but there's pirates. And a clone war that actually appears in the films - not an accompanying animated series.

What follows is a really rough outline for a remade Episode 1. I'll post the other episodes over the next few days too. Comments and crticisms are more than welcome.

EPISODE 1: THE BALANCE OF THE FORCE

Above Naboo, a Mon Calamari cruiser is attacked by a pirates. On board is teenager Anakin Skywalker and his parents. The pirates face off against the security squad of Senator Palpatine of Naboo. Specifically the leading pirate wears a black, hooded cloak that hides his face. The pirates are successful in subduing the bridge and begin to clear the decks, looking for the senator. While ransacking guest quarters, they are stopped by the Skywalkers who are killed in front of Anakin. Anakin escapes to the dock and commandeers one of the pirate star fighters. He attacks the pirate ship is able to out maneuver their fighters. His piloting appears to be on instinct and he is successful in disabling the pirate ship. Escape pods manage to get away. The lead hooded pirate escapes without the senator and watches the space battle from the outskirts of the battle. As a new starship enters the system from hyperspace he orders his pilot to leave.

Jedi Knights arrive from hyperspace to arrest the pirates and find the Senator. After hearing details of Anakin’s exploits, the two Jedi request a meeting him. Believing Anakin to be strong in the Force they offer to take him with them to Coruscant. He is skeptical, claiming he was lucky in attacking the ships, but accepts when Palpatine also offers his support.

On Coruscant Anakin is taken to the Jedi Temple to meet Master Yoda and his pupil, Obi Wan Kenobi. After testing him with a Jedi Mind Trick, Yoda allows Obi Wan to train him. That night, Anakin is invited to a reception hosted by Palpatine, which Obi Wan attends as well. There they meet Padme Amidala, an ambassador from Naboo and Senator Bail Organa of Alderaan. Organa expresses his concern at the rising number of pirate attacks on peaceful systems. Palpatine advocates for a stricter response which the others disagree with. Both Anakin and Obi Wan take a liking to Padme, though Obi Wan reminds Anakin of the Jedi oath he will take tomorrow.

Before Yoda and Mace Windu, Anakin takes his Jedi Oath. He begins his training with Obi Wan on an isolated part of one of Coruscant’s moon. The training comprises of both physical challenges and mental puzzles. Anakin is successful in anticipating threats, such as rocks hurled at him by Obi Wan, but struggles to manipulate other objects such as the entrance to an ancient temple. At night they discuss fear, as Anakin admits his frustration at not being able to save his parents. Obi Wan reveals that he was orphaned as a boy. He resented his parents until a Jedi taught him how to find balance in the force. Anakin hopes he can find this inner peace.

Elsewhere, the planet Kemino comes under attack from a pirate army. It is unusual for pirates to attack an entire planet. Obi Wan is sent to investigate and takes Anakin with him. A pirate army blockades the planet. Obi Wan is unable to sense their thoughts. Knowing of Anakin’s exploits above Naboo he entrusts the piloting to Anakin to is able to breach the blockade and evade the enemy fighters. Landing on Kemino, they make their way to the capital with Anakin flying through the difficult terrain and avoiding ground-to-air cannons.

Upon reaching the parliament they realize why they could not sense their thoughts- the pirate army is made up entirely of clones. They appear to be under the command of the hooded pirate whom Anakin identifies, and Obi Wan realizes (from the insignias on his tunic), is a Sith Lord.

They retreat to contact Yoda and Palpatine. Palpatine sends Padme to negotiate but she is captured upon entry into the system. Obi Wan and Anakin see this from their hidden ship and re enter the capital to save her.

Meanwhile on Coruscant the clone army arrives and blockades the planet. A second Sith Lord, identifying himself as Darth Sideous, attacks the High Chancellor and assassinates him. Mace Windu arrives with the Royal Guard and the army retreats. Under attack from Republic Navy reserves, the Clones retreat from the system.

On Kemino the Jedi are successful in freeing Padme and rescuing the Prime Minister. The reserve navy arrives and engages the clones in battle. The clone army promptly retreat. As they try to escape, the hooded pirate reveals himself. Darth Maul confronts the Jedi and Padme. Obi Wan attempts to hold them off and draws Maul into another room. Maul destroys the door control before defeating Obi Wan with his double edge light sabre. Obi Wan is injured and left unconscious. Frustrated and sensing Obi Wan’s pain Anakin angrily uses the force to open the door. Anakin picks up Obi Wan’s light sabre and attacks Maul fighting him to a stale mate. Maul taunts Anakin telling him that his parents died because they were weak and that true power comes from true hate. He uses the force to block Anakin’s path and fires a lightning bolt towards Anakin. Anakin anticipates the attack and the bolt misses though Maul escapes. He reunites with Padme as Obi Wan regains consciousness and the arriving Jedi rescue them.

Having returned to Coruscant, the two Jedi are awarded honours by Organa and Palpatine for saving Padme. Anakin smiles, pleased with the recognition, while Obi Wan remains stoned faced and neutral, his emotions balanced in the force.